It’s well past New Year’s Day. The “Ultimate Guide to New Year’s Resolutions” I printed from the web (all 13 pages of it), is tucked next to the bed among copies of “You on a Diet” and “You Staying Young” and the 3-ring binders which hold testimony of how this journey played out (or not) in previous years.
If I’m going to do all the things I wanted to do while I was 50, I’d better be able to devise one of those spells used by Hermione in one of the Harry Potter films which allowed her to be two places at once…. only I’d need it to be a lot stronger….. like maybe I’d need to be 10 places at once. I’ve got 28 days and the spell is broken. I’ll no longer be 50. Like Cinderella racing through the ballroom as the chimes relentlessly herald the approach of midnight, I’m starting to feel that I may have miscalculated my deadline. Unlike Cinderella, I haven’t been swept up in a magical time of ballgowns and handsome princes (I have James – any prince pales by comparison ;-). I’ve spent the year during which I thought it’d be cool to go skydiving, ride in a hot air balloon and run in my first 5K, involved in more mundane things, like my 3 jobs, two rounds of short term disability leave, migraines, surgery and seemingly unending trips to Wal Mart.
Oh sure, some things have been accomplished – the crippling medical debt from surgery a few years ago has been paid off, I have a new horse I plan to compete this year, I’m teaching again and we have a new mattress. I now own a laptop and a good digital SLR camera. I entered a photo contest and lost 30 pounds. These are all good things, and I’m not for one moment discounting their value, but I feel like I’m missing something – some element that’s not on the 13 page New Year’s Resolution worksheet…. some inner part of the puzzle that can’t be ticked off on a list or counted in hours on a treadmill, hours worked or calories consumed. I’m missing connecting to my soul – the connection to the essential me, which is connected to every other living thing in the universe. And it’s not by doing more that I’ll forge this connection, it’s be being more…. more aware, more quiet, more grateful, more open, more loving – especially to myself.
So this year, although there are some things I’d like to do (like skydiving, running a 5K, going for a hot air balloon ride), I’m going to concentrate more on what I’m being than what I’m doing. Because my life is no fairy tale, I won’t have a fairy godmother or magic wand to ease my progress. The good news? It doesn’t all end at midnight, or on February 12, or December 31. My magic is here for me to live every second of every day, and I damn well plan to start appreciating it.